Supporting Your Child Through the Challenges of Sport
As we take a short break between Winter and Summer Sport, I thought it would be worthwhile to reflect further on an article by Jennifer Hussein shared in Westminster Weekly last year about knowing when to step back as a parent of a child playing sport.
This can be difficult. We watch our children play closely and naturally want the best for them. At times, we may feel they are being treated unfairly, selected in the wrong team or position or not receiving enough playing time. Sometimes these concerns may be justified.
I have certainly experienced these emotions throughout the sporting journeys of my own children. Sport has been a significant part of our family life and I have often wrestled with wanting to help, wanting to protect and wanting success almost as much as they do.
It has made me reflect on the many conversations I have had and those I perhaps should have avoided.
Hussein offers practical advice. She encourages parents to resist speaking on behalf of a child, trust coaches and recognise when it may be best to remain silent during difficult moments.
We also understand as a School that there will be times when contacting the School on behalf of your child is the right thing to do.
Hussein also reminds us that students, families and other adults can have quite different versions of the same situation. The account provided by a student about a selection decision, training session or conversation may be completely genuine from their perspective without necessarily providing the full picture.
This is not about telling anyone how to parent. I am still learning and I know how challenging these situations can be when emotions are involved. However, there are a few approaches I continue to remind myself of:
- Avoid comparing their playing time, position or selection with that of another student.
- Recognise that many factors can influence coaching and selection decisions.
- Encourage the student to speak directly and respectfully with the coach.
It is easy for adults and children to become distracted by issues that may feel significant at the time but are unlikely to matter in the long term:
- Which level should my child be playing at?
- Will playing in a lower team affect future opportunities?
- What will this do to their confidence?
- Will sport still be enjoyable if friends are selected in another team?
These concerns are understandable. However, playing in a lower team, moving to a different position or receiving fewer minutes in one game will rarely determine future sporting opportunities.
When students are encouraged to approach their coach, ask questions and seek feedback, they develop confidence and personal responsibility. They learn how to manage disappointment and identify the steps they can take next.
Sometimes the most valuable thing we can do is listen, provide reassurance and then step back far enough for our children to take the next step themselves.
Perhaps the words every coach wants to hear are also the words every sporting parent should encourage their child to say:
Hey Coach, can I talk to you?